(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)The Ashes and the collective sequels of Police Academy have one thing in common – you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. L Suresh thinks it will be different, this time around.
The sparks are flying. A deep-throated rumble is heard at a distance as thunder and lightning descend on the battlefield. Mind games are on. Verbal duels have already begun. On the outcome of this war rests a nation’s pride, as the spoils of victory include amongst other treasures, an urn filled with haunting memories of a humiliation suffered over a century ago. While one side fights to claim its rightful possession, the other shall contest to deny. A blur of red, a crack of timber, the roar of a crowd - folks, the Ashes are about to begin.
If the build-up to the mother of all battles can be compressed to one freeze frame, it would be Paul Collingwood rushing in to join the fireworks as Simon Jones and Mathew Hayden exchanged poorly aimed throws and well-directed abuses at each other. Collingwood’s eagerness to join the party was not just indicative of buddy behaviour - it showed the pent-up frustration of a nation that has been unable get the Aussie foot off its windpipe for over two decades now.
A forgettable past
The last time England won the Ashes was in 1986-87, when Kevin Pietersen would have chosen Natal over Nottinghamshire simply because it was easier to spell. Ever since, the two teams have clashed in 43 Ashes tests (and a one-off test in 1987/88) of which Australia won 28 and England, just seven.
But memory lane has been a rather dilapidated road full of potholes right from the 70s, when cricket’s terrible twins, Lillee and Thomson ripped apart the hapless English batsmen, grabbing 58 wickets between them. (“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; if Lillee don't get you, Thommo must!”) A decade later, Lillee returned, this time with Alderman and the duo collected 81 scalps. The baton was handed over to Warne & McGrath who have to date picked up 249 English wickets and are looking for more.
Distant memories
The English, not to be outdone, have obviously searched and pulled out those rare nuggets that they would always cherish – Botham’s five wickets for one run in the 1981 series. Australia losing eight wickets for just 54 in the 1997 Edgbaston test. Mark Butcher’s 173 that won a test for England in 2001. Or Andy Caddick’s seven for 94 that gave his team a consolation win in the 2002-03 series.
But this Ashes could just be different. Okay, England isn’t exactly expected to win it 4-1. But every test could be, in the literal sense, a match and more importantly a fight to the finish, regardless of the outcome or the winner. And the reason why one tends to spare a moment for such a thought is the string of spirited performances by England in the last month. Sure, they were just one-dayers, but what needs to be focused upon is the new-found confidence, the no-baggage approach to each game and the attitude of regarding themselves on par with the Aussies – something that no team has done in recent times.
Sometimes experience is not a very good thing. It instills a sense of fear and hesitancy in situations where the rawness of youth would bash on regardless. That’s why senior players like Mike Atherton, Nasser Hussain and Alec Stewart resembled weary troopers in the 90s, casting their long shadows over the rest of the team and sporting their scars like medals when it should have been hidden from the younger generation.
A no-win one-day series
On the whole, the extended one-day jamboree has ended up with both teams in a level playing field. Neither team managed to get a psychological edge over the other. Australia must be disappointed in not beginning on its regular winning note (read ‘winning all matches’) while England must be thrilled that they have thus far matched the mighty Aussies step for step.
Both teams had to depend on their one-day specialists to bail them out on several occasions – while Pieterson and Collingwood did the rescue act for England, Symonds and Hussey were the knights in shining armour for the team from down under. The irony remains that none of the names mentioned above might get to play the Ashes series. So that leaves the two teams with a top order that is yet to fire, captains who have been anything but consistent with the bat, test players who are yet to play a game and two aggressive bowling attacks, each licking their lips, hoping the coin would flip in their favour so that they would get to bowl first.
There are some things that the home team needs to watch out for if they don’t want an Ashes Part XIII running to piqued houses over the next couple of months.
Tormented of mind, sick of body
While the Aussies took it upon themselves to inflict on the English what they call mental disintegration – a round-the-clock pressure strategy that they have honed into a fine art – the English took matters into their own hands when it came to physical injuries. Darren Gough, Michael Vaughan, Mark Butcher, Andrew Flintoff, Simon Jones, Marcus Trescothick, Steve Harmison, John Crawley, Ashley Giles, Andrew Caddick, Chris Silverwood, Jeremy Snape, Alec Stewart, Ian Blackwell, Craig White, Steve Harmison – that was how the sick bay attendance read during the Ashes 2002-03 series, when over 30 players (that totals two English teams) went back and forth to the land of Oz because of injuries. Every man had a replacement and halfway through the series, the replacements began having replacements. In short, the Aussies practiced the rotation policy and the English trained with a revolving door.
So this time around, if they are seriously planning to win the war, they’ve first got to win the battle against their own brittle bodies – even if it means coming out to play in white armoured suits.
Spinning out of control
His hair, his colourful life, his binges, his women, his marriage, his smoking, his portrait, his sms-es – there’s nothing about the man that doesn’t grab the attention of two nations. It’s incredible that in the midst of all this distraction, he has been single-minded in his destruction of enemy camps, with 583 wickets. And with 89 wickets in England, he’s on his way to become the first man on the planet to take 100 wickets in a country other than his own. Man for man, the English might just match up to the Aussies. But when it comes to a specialist spinner and a leading wicket-taker, they have no answer to Shane Warne. There’s no escaping it - they’ll have to reckon with his wicked flippers and that Gatting special that pitches innocuously wide outside the leg, changes its mind and then does a ‘hairpin bend turn’, right into middle and off.
Who said seven was lucky? Imagine toiling hard to send the top six back to the pavilion - and realizing that the Aussies had kept the best for last. As Adam Gilchrist steps out at number seven, the English bowlers begin their search for the white ball, desperately hoping that their overs would be restricted to 10 per bowler. He doesn’t need a bad ball to score a boundary, he doesn’t need a part-time bowler to plunder runs from and he doesn’t need an umpire to tell him when he’s out – he walks. The Queen’s men would be praying hard that he runs out of steam before he walks out of the ground.
Life in the fast lane
Barring the odd incident, the Aussies have shown remarkable restraint off the field – but when they’re out in the middle, the party begins and nothing thrills like speed. Rarely do they use a fifth bowler, rarely do they bowl for more than three sessions in an innings, rarely do their batsmen bat twice in a test match. The clinical precision with which they have been decimating the English team shows in the fact that in the last ten tests played, six didn't see the fifth day, despite rain and bad light doing their bit to stretch at least three matches. And of these, three got over in just three days. They have to be slowed down (you can’t let a side score at five an over in a test match) and the best possible way to make their pace appear reckless is to grind them down and wear them out. For more details, the English would do well to contact Rahul Dravid and VVS Laxman.
Improving word power
One runs out of ammunition, one runs out of form, one runs out of excuses for the poor showing, but one thing will be seen in action, right through the series – verbal volleys. Ex-players, coaches, media – everyone’s suddenly into columns, freewheeling interviews and radio shows poking away at the opponent’s armour, trying to find a gaping hole in it. Add to this confusion Australia’s loss to Bangladesh, the team seeing ghosts at night, Symonds’ drinking binge and Warne’s sexploits – the English press has just been invited to a Roman orgy and you can bet on the fact that they’ll make sure it’s a long night. The English team however, will do well to gear up for what lays ahead – McGrath waiting, ball in hand, already having planned on how his 500th wicket will happen. (“Hit the deck, go down the slope away from the left-hander. Whether it's Strauss or Trescothick, they play and miss, and off-stump is knocked out of the ground.")
The final countdown
The sunset is in sight for nearly half a dozen Aussie cricketers for whom this will certainly be the last Ashes tour. All the more reason for them to leave in a blaze of glory. This could be the opportunity that the English were waiting for – finally, one time when Australia have a lot more to play for than they do. Expectations increase demands, demands pile up pressure and pressure can cause people to do very funny things. And if that happens, the home team could well have the last laugh.
World Cup 2003, with 14 participating nations, lasted a month and a half. The Ashes series goes on for a little over four months – and that could be a problem for England. It’s possible to knock the wind out of the Aussie sails for three hours in a Twenty-20 game, take them by surprise in a one-dayer or even put them on the backfoot in a test match. But to keep them down for four months and not give them a chance to bounce back into the game... the Poms would probably find it easier to find kangaroo feathers.
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