(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)How did news channels survive before cell phones were invented? L Suresh seeks answers – via sms.
"Should young couples (read boys and girls) be allowed in parks?" Now tell me - honestly - how many of you sms-ed your answers to the news channel that came up with this beauty of an opinion poll? You didn't? Spoilsport! And what about that time when a channel was dying to know your answer to “Should boys and girls be allowed to exchange cards on Valentine’s Day?” You didn’t get the signal that day? (Or is that the story of your life?)
Keeping in with the popularity of game shows that are doing the rounds, news channels have taken care to structure their poll questions such that they can all be answered without seeking lifelines. The final answer is always A or B - even if the right answer happens to be C. (For instance, take a question like “Is this the end of the road for Sourav?” The answers could be a. Yes, b. No, c. What road? & d. Sourav-who? But as you see, the options are limited.) Another disgusting thing about these polls is that most of them do not cater to those of us who have mastered the art of bringing high-flying opinion polls crashing to the ground by marking ‘don’t know/can’t say’ or ‘none of the above’.
But if you are amongst those who have never attempted to respond to any of these exciting polls, here’s a list of question you can practice with. Just SMS whatever answer to whichever news channel whenever (don’t worry, even they wouldn’t know the difference).
1. Will Greg Chappell show his you-know-which finger again when he visits Kolkata?
2. Did you spot Mallika Sherawat in The Myth?
3. Should Virendar Sehwag follow Warne and go for laser hair treatment?
4. Will KANK (Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna) conk?
5. Should students buy exam papers that have been leaked?
6. Should remix albums carry the eco-friendly tag because they have been recycled?
7. Should game show hosts be given IQ tests before they are chosen?
8. Should park benches in Meerut be made single-seaters?
9. When Inzamam mentioned green tops, was he referring to his team’s hats?
10. Do weepy soaps start with K as a tribute to Kleenex tissues?
11. Is ‘phone tapping’ a new sound that can be downloaded as a ring tone?
12. Will Sanjay Gupta rip off a Harry Potter movie in Hindi with Sanjay Dutt?
13. Should they have ‘bid and win’ one-buck tickets for auto rickshaws too?
14. Should remotes have control-alt-del buttons so that we can erase ads on TV?
15. Should the dress codes enforced by universities apply to music videos too?
But beware, news channels that are vying for your attention and dying to hear your opinions are going all out to get you to respond. Rumour has it that some of them are tying up with cable operators and making it mandatory for you to send at least one sms per week - if not, your cable connection gets cut. Considering the fact that they are your biggest source of entertainment, this can be a serious threat. Some of them are even joining hands with cellular operators and are planning to offer innovative packages – free download of the signature tune of their channel when you send them an sms. So, every time your cell plays the channel’s tune, the ‘classic conditioning’ syndrome will occur - people around will whip out their mobiles and get ready to respond to another opinion poll.
But before they do that, there’s something you need to do – start sms-ing.
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 29 January, 2006)
"Should young couples (read boys and girls) be allowed in parks?" Now tell me - honestly - how many of you sms-ed your answers to the news channel that came up with this beauty of an opinion poll? You didn't? Spoilsport! And what about that time when a channel was dying to know your answer to “Should boys and girls be allowed to exchange cards on Valentine’s Day?” You didn’t get the signal that day? (Or is that the story of your life?)
Keeping in with the popularity of game shows that are doing the rounds, news channels have taken care to structure their poll questions such that they can all be answered without seeking lifelines. The final answer is always A or B - even if the right answer happens to be C. (For instance, take a question like “Is this the end of the road for Sourav?” The answers could be a. Yes, b. No, c. What road? & d. Sourav-who? But as you see, the options are limited.) Another disgusting thing about these polls is that most of them do not cater to those of us who have mastered the art of bringing high-flying opinion polls crashing to the ground by marking ‘don’t know/can’t say’ or ‘none of the above’.
But if you are amongst those who have never attempted to respond to any of these exciting polls, here’s a list of question you can practice with. Just SMS whatever answer to whichever news channel whenever (don’t worry, even they wouldn’t know the difference).
1. Will Greg Chappell show his you-know-which finger again when he visits Kolkata?
2. Did you spot Mallika Sherawat in The Myth?
3. Should Virendar Sehwag follow Warne and go for laser hair treatment?
4. Will KANK (Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna) conk?
5. Should students buy exam papers that have been leaked?
6. Should remix albums carry the eco-friendly tag because they have been recycled?
7. Should game show hosts be given IQ tests before they are chosen?
8. Should park benches in Meerut be made single-seaters?
9. When Inzamam mentioned green tops, was he referring to his team’s hats?
10. Do weepy soaps start with K as a tribute to Kleenex tissues?
11. Is ‘phone tapping’ a new sound that can be downloaded as a ring tone?
12. Will Sanjay Gupta rip off a Harry Potter movie in Hindi with Sanjay Dutt?
13. Should they have ‘bid and win’ one-buck tickets for auto rickshaws too?
14. Should remotes have control-alt-del buttons so that we can erase ads on TV?
15. Should the dress codes enforced by universities apply to music videos too?
But beware, news channels that are vying for your attention and dying to hear your opinions are going all out to get you to respond. Rumour has it that some of them are tying up with cable operators and making it mandatory for you to send at least one sms per week - if not, your cable connection gets cut. Considering the fact that they are your biggest source of entertainment, this can be a serious threat. Some of them are even joining hands with cellular operators and are planning to offer innovative packages – free download of the signature tune of their channel when you send them an sms. So, every time your cell plays the channel’s tune, the ‘classic conditioning’ syndrome will occur - people around will whip out their mobiles and get ready to respond to another opinion poll.
But before they do that, there’s something you need to do – start sms-ing.
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 29 January, 2006)
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