Tuesday, May 29, 2007

All about the game

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)

L Suresh explains why Mukul Kesavan’s Men in White could have been subtitled ‘random musings of a die-hard cricket buff’.

There exists a sect of cricket pilgrims that journeys from match to match, from stadium to stadium, worshipping cricket – test cricket – and goes beyond 'connecting the excitement of test matches with results'. Cricket gratia cricketis (pardon my Latin, but I hope that translates into cricket for cricket's sake). If you belong to this class, your eyes are sure to light up when you discover that Mukul Kesavan’s book Men In White has been partly dedicated to ‘Pandara Park cricket, Feroz Shah Kotla mornings and Test Match Special on an old Philips radio’.

In terms of construct, Men in White would perhaps have made a better package as a diary, with dates that preceded each ‘chapter’ or topic. In one of his pieces, Kesavan mentions how test cricket continues to be played after sundown, in one's mind - 'you dream about the game's possibilities, you wake to it in the morning'. Such sleepless nights result in free-spirited thoughts that often cannot be streamlined and woven into a single story. In such a case, a diary approach would have provided the perfect structure for a non-linear narration, as Kesavan alternates between the past and the present, progressing from one topic to another. (I was vindicated when I finally reached the acknowledgements section that mentioned that most of the topics were separately written pieces that were published in newspapers and magazines.)

In terms of content, the book can be divided into three sections - Kesavan’s commentary on current happenings in the game, his take on various teams and his heroes, past and present, and lastly, his trip down memory lane, which is the most interesting and depressingly, the shortest portion of the book.

In an attempt to touch upon the changing phase of the game, Kesavan traces the evolution of live telecast, neutral umpires, one day cricket, technology and most importantly, the ICC – considering the fact that these are topics that the cricket buff is fairly familiar with, one wishes he had devoted more time talking of the goose-fleshy cold, winter mornings and unearthing interesting nuggets of information from the past. And who better to do it than a cricket buff who teaches history in college?

His take on the local heroes makes a compulsive read too - those of us who have chosen to look the other way when someone mentions Indian cricket especially after the World Cup will now regret our actions and go back to idolizing our Sachins, Souravs and Rahuls. His ‘team talk’ is equally interesting - the mighty Windies that everyone loved to love, Bradman's XI that caused a furore, the boring Poms, the aggressive Aussies, the robotic Proteas, the rarely-winning Indians and the wily Pakis who just had to be beaten by us.

But what you really enjoy is the blast from the past. By narrating his experiences at the Lords, the Kotla and Chepauk, Kesavan actually takes us with him to the scene of the crime. Across pages, the book provides us with pleasurable deviations into our own nostalgic past, when we lean back with the Men in White resting on our tummy and think of those early morning radio commentaries from Australia or the late evening ones from England - typically heard on an old Philips/Murphy radio. When he talks of his gully cricket exploits, we look back on our own cricket-playing days - donkey drops, no runs behind the wicket, one side runs in case of insufficient manpower for fielding, double touch out, seasoning the bat, ownership issues over the kit. This is life that has been lived by many, but this is one great opportunity to relive it in print.
You can't be a cricket-crazed Indian and speak cricket for five minutes without getting into familiar territory - who's greater, Gavaskar or Kapil Dev? Who’s better, Gavaskar or Tendulkar? How does Kapil compare with the other all-rounders of his time? Kesavan hasn't been able to steer clear of these topics either and if you are willing to go back to your childhood and be a part of this journey, it's a trip that well worth it. And the view from the window is best when you journey through the part when Tendulkar is compared to and contrasted with, of all former greats, Miandad. Capital, as old English scribes would say.

Across 270-odd pages, Kesavan touches upon several topics and offers his point of view on each – just ignore those rare occasions when you feel stumped as you come across ‘Michael’ Hayden and the ‘Chidambaram stadium’ in Bangalore. Possibly the best way to read this book would be to imagine that you are sitting with a cricket-crazy friend of yours who is throwing various arguments at you, some that you heartily agree with and others that you vociferously dispute. Cricket caps, dress codes, umpiring, camera decisions, walking, commentators, match referees - it doesn't matter who makes more sense or who wins in the end, especially if you are the kind of person to whom talking cricket matters more than anything else in the world. L Suresh explains why Mukul Kesavan’s Men in White could have been subtitled ‘random musings of a die-hard cricket buff’.

There exists a sect of cricket pilgrims that journeys from match to match, from stadium to stadium, worshipping cricket – test cricket – and goes beyond 'connecting the excitement of test matches with results'. Cricket gratia cricketis (pardon my Latin, but I hope that translates into cricket for cricket's sake). If you belong to this class, your eyes are sure to light up when you discover that Mukul Kesavan’s book Men In White has been partly dedicated to ‘Pandara Park cricket, Feroz Shah Kotla mornings and Test Match Special on an old Philips radio’.

In terms of construct, Men in White would perhaps have made a better package as a diary, with dates that preceded each ‘chapter’ or topic. In one of his pieces, Kesavan mentions how test cricket continues to be played after sundown, in one's mind - 'you dream about the game's possibilities, you wake to it in the morning'. Such sleepless nights result in free-spirited thoughts that often cannot be streamlined and woven into a single story. In such a case, a diary approach would have provided the perfect structure for a non-linear narration, as Kesavan alternates between the past and the present, progressing from one topic to another. (I was vindicated when I finally reached the acknowledgements section that mentioned that most of the topics were separately written pieces that were published in newspapers and magazines.)

In terms of content, the book can be divided into three sections - Kesavan’s commentary on current happenings in the game, his take on various teams and his heroes, past and present, and lastly, his trip down memory lane, which is the most interesting and depressingly, the shortest portion of the book.

In an attempt to touch upon the changing phase of the game, Kesavan traces the evolution of live telecast, neutral umpires, one day cricket, technology and most importantly, the ICC – considering the fact that these are topics that the cricket buff is fairly familiar with, one wishes he had devoted more time talking of the goose-fleshy cold, winter mornings and unearthing interesting nuggets of information from the past. And who better to do it than a cricket buff who teaches history in college?

His take on the local heroes makes a compulsive read too - those of us who have chosen to look the other way when someone mentions Indian cricket especially after the World Cup will now regret our actions and go back to idolizing our Sachins, Souravs and Rahuls. His ‘team talk’ is equally interesting - the mighty Windies that everyone loved to love, Bradman's XI that caused a furore, the boring Poms, the aggressive Aussies, the robotic Proteas, the rarely-winning Indians and the wily Pakis who just had to be beaten by us.

But what you really enjoy is the blast from the past. By narrating his experiences at the Lords, the Kotla and Chepauk, Kesavan actually takes us with him to the scene of the crime. Across pages, the book provides us with pleasurable deviations into our own nostalgic past, when we lean back with the Men in White resting on our tummy and think of those early morning radio commentaries from Australia or the late evening ones from England - typically heard on an old Philips/Murphy radio. When he talks of his gully cricket exploits, we look back on our own cricket-playing days - donkey drops, no runs behind the wicket, one side runs in case of insufficient manpower for fielding, double touch out, seasoning the bat, ownership issues over the kit. This is life that has been lived by many, but this is one great opportunity to relive it in print.
You can't be a cricket-crazed Indian and speak cricket for five minutes without getting into familiar territory - who's greater, Gavaskar or Kapil Dev? Who’s better, Gavaskar or Tendulkar? How does Kapil compare with the other all-rounders of his time? Kesavan hasn't been able to steer clear of these topics either and if you are willing to go back to your childhood and be a part of this journey, it's a trip that well worth it. And the view from the window is best when you journey through the part when Tendulkar is compared to and contrasted with, of all former greats, Miandad. Capital, as old English scribes would say.

Across 270-odd pages, Kesavan touches upon several topics and offers his point of view on each – just ignore those rare occasions when you feel stumped as you come across ‘Michael’ Hayden and the ‘Chidambaram stadium’ in Bangalore. Possibly the best way to read this book would be to imagine that you are sitting with a cricket-crazy friend of yours who is throwing various arguments at you, some that you heartily agree with and others that you vociferously dispute. Cricket caps, dress codes, umpiring, camera decisions, walking, commentators, match referees - it doesn't matter who makes more sense or who wins in the end, especially if you are the kind of person to whom talking cricket matters more than anything else in the world.

(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 27 May, 2007)

The Thin Red Carpet

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)

L Suresh picks a few loose threads from the red carpet at Cannes to spin a yarn…

The Big B twirled his newly acquired ponytail and looked at the mountain of sweet boxes that had been returned by celebs who were miffed at not being invited for the wedding. "Fine," he thundered. "If they couldn't meet Abhishek and Ash at the wedding, they can meet them at the Cannes."

His PA interrupted gently. "But Sir, aren't we supposed to be having a cold war with The Khan?" The Big B gave the Gabbar look. "There was an ad this morning that said 'Drive in with your PA and drive out with a PDA'. What do you think?"

And so it turned out that though just a handful of Bollywood movies were being screened at the Cannes, a massive Bollywood brigade turned up, outnumbering the movies 300 to 1 (thereby giving rise to the speculation that 300 could be remade in Bollywood). It was pretty obvious that none of the movies would make the cut - and talking of awards would have been the unkindest cut of them all.

So Bollywood decided that it would have its own awards. For decades, Bollywood movies never made it to the Cannes because of their clichéd plots. Now they would return to rule the red carpet - as awards.

Lost and Found Award: (Fashion) Guru
A little girl enters the big bad world of movies, is swept of her feet by the adulation she receives - and lands on her head. The knock makes her an amnesia patient and she loses her sense of fashion. Year after year, she arrives at the Cannes in bizarre clothes, causing FTV to go on the blink. Though she loses her mind, she sings in the rain, finds her Prince Charming in a crooked businessman, they get married and live happily ever after.

Separated at Birth Award: My Blackberry Nights
Dad brings both kids to the Cannes. They get lost. One specializes in red carpet extravaganzas for NRIs and the other in doormat soap operas, where the characters walk all over the battered daughter-in-law. The two kids grow up, own blackberries, keep sms-ing each other and realize that both of them use the letter k more often than needed. In a grand climax, they reunite in a teary moment in Koffee with Karan.

Love Triangle Award: Ek Love ya
Bips loves John, John loves his bike, and the bike loves the road. In the end, she has a touch choice to make - it's John or the Road. On pure emoting abilities, she chooses the road and that's how the movie goes.

Revenge Formula Award: Goal
The last time, Devdas was booted out by critics at Cannes. So this time around, Bollywood hatched a plot that would remind France of its head-butting embarrassment in the World Cup football last year. And what better way to do it than with a movie titled Goal.

Poor boy meets rich girl Award: Debt Proof
In a daring attempt to make a crossover movie, Yashraj teams up with Quentin Tarantino to make a musical about a psychopathic stuntman who crosses a railway line and with it, the poverty line and crosses over to affluence. How he lives it up in Switzerland with his rich lover is then told in a series of songs.

The Wedding Video Award: Sicko
Another Bollywood meets West combo that brings Michael Moore and Sooraj Barjatya together for an NRI movie that has four weddings and so many songs and dances that no one survives in the end. Needless to say, this is an attempt to expose the failure of the healthcare system in the US.

So everyone got to meet Ash and Abhi, everyone got to walk the red carpet and everyone got to win an award. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 27 May, 2007)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Fly hard with a vengeance

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)

The future’s dim and there’s no escape.
The future’s about flying cheap without a cape.
- Anon

* What do you get when you put together a successful combo of innovative ticketing deals, thousands of travel websites and numerous economy airlines mushrooming each day? More of the same, obviously. Here’s a peek into what’s in store for the passenger who is looking for more ways to fly at the cost of a bus ticket. As always, the announcements come before the flights.

* We regret to inform passengers that our new cost-saving initiative prevents us from accelerating during take-off. We have hence opted for an alternate arrangement whereby the aircraft will be manually pushed by our staff until it gains momentum. The cost of fuel saved will be passed on to passengers.

* Since a lot of time is wasted in taking off and landing in short flight sectors, we have decided that our flights will taxi all the way to the destination and not take off.

* Long-distance domestic flights consume a lot of fuel and hence increase the cost of flying. Henceforth, the coach that takes you from the terminal to the aircraft will proceed forth to cover part of the distance before you can board the aircraft. For instance, if you are flying in the Chennai-Mumbai sector, our coach will take you to Renigunta from where you will be taken to the nearest airport. Your flight to Mumbai will be waiting for you there.

* For all passengers who avail of deals and discounts by booking their tickets through travel sites, we have withdrawn the safety instructions demonstration by our cabin crew as a cost-cutting measure. You are henceforth requested to download the safety instructions document from our website and read the same while you wait for the aircraft.

* To add to your convenience, our in-flight shopping will now be selling monthly provisions, besides snacks and soft drinks. It is mandatory for all passengers who have booked their tickets through ‘Take my trip’ to buy their monthly provisions whenever they fly us.

* To reduce the price of tickets further, plans are on to remove air-conditioning from all aircraft. Passengers will be permitted to open the windows after take-off. To facilitate this, all flights will fly slower. However, passengers are requested to keep their seatbelts on to avoid freefall and zero gravity experiences.

* All flights with a flight duration of 90 minutes or less will now have standees inside the aircraft – tickets for the same will be sold at 50% of the cost of regular tickets. In case of standee tickets being booked online, please mention favourite standing position, choice of leaning on a seat/ another passenger and preference of standing to the left/right of the aircraft.

* Since oxygen is available at a premium 30,000 feet above sea level, only a limited supply of oxygen will be made available inside the aircraft. Passengers are requested to breathe slowly and hold their breath for as long as possible.

* In case of an emergency, oxygen masks will not be available for the same reason mentioned above. Instead, passengers can open the windows and breathe all the air they want.

Happy flying.

(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 20 May, 2007)

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Aussie Avalanche

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)
L Suresh looks back on a World Cup contested by Australia that also featured 15 other teams.

It is always said that old men tend to live in the past. With four members aged 35 and above, and five others getting there shortly, the Australian team decided not to write a new script for the finals. Being in the era of remakes and all that, they just needed to go back to the archives and rehash an old blockbuster. The choice was between two classics - the 1999 World Cup finals where they bowl first, decimate the opposition for less than 150 and get those runs in 20 overs. And the 2003 World Cup finals, where they bat first and bludgeon the opposition into submission. While the world watched with bated breath as the coin was tossed and flipped over and over, little did they realize that Ricky Ponting was actually flipping between the two scripts. Heads for the 1999 formula and tails for the 2003 version. Tails it was and yawn, Gilchrist walked in, used a squash ball to smash the cricket ball all over the park and Australia walked out with the World Cup.

It was the third time in succession that Australia was winning the World Cup. It was the third successive World Cup where an Asian team reached the final. It was the third time that an Asian team was getting mauled at the big stage. There has to be a ban on such useless statistics - or a ban on Australia playing with 15 other mediocre teams, if one wants to save the future of the World Cup. In 1999, Australia felt threatened just twice as they lost to Pakistan and New Zealand, besides levelling with South Africa in an epic semi-final. In 2003, the disparity grew even worse as they remained unbeaten through the tournament. There were a couple of matches against Pakistan and New Zealand when they found themselves with their backs to the wall for a very brief moment, but that was it. In 2007, there wasn't even a semblance of a fight from any of the other teams as the world watched the most one-sided World Cup ever.

Before the start of the World Cup, Ponting had this point about excluding minnows from the big event as it led to a whole lot of unevenly contested matches. He couldn't have been more wrong. Ireland's matches against Pakistan and Zimbabwe, and Bangladesh's matches against South Africa and India were better fought than Australia's matches against any of its opponents. And so the 2007 edition ended with Australia featuring in the most number of one-sided matches it has played in – all 11 of them.

In one of the preview packages, Dean Jones was asked what Australia would have to do to beat England. "Just turn up," came the reply. That applied to all the teams that, without an exception, froze like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming killer truck. Strategies were thought out by Sri Lanka and New Zealand as both left out their best bowlers. But it didn't matter. Nothing did. As one of the former cricketers put it, the only thing that would ensure an Aussie loss in the tournament was food poisoning. And that didn't happen.

But what did was a gloomy end to many illustrious careers. The last of the overs in the finals being bowled in near-darkness was reminiscent of the effect the tournament had on the future of many a coach and player. Stephen Fleming, arguably the best captain of the tournament, had to relinquish captaincy after a decade of getting a second-rate team to consistently play better than it could. All arrangements seem to have been made to anoint Vettori captain, but would a change in leadership change the fortunes of a team? The same team, the same skill sets and a different captain - how different will the results turn out to be? That would be a question doing the rounds amongst other teams as well. Pakistan has turned to young Shoaib Malik who, in his fledgling career, has already seen it all - injury, chucking controversies, match-fixing and face-offs with the team management.

But one man deserved a better farewell. Brian Charles Lara. Talented, prodigal, mercurial - and past his best. For how long can a man be weighed down by a team that has been rebuilding ever since he could remember? He was ten years old when his team last won the World Cup and was 14 when the mighty Windies last reached the finals. Like Fleming, his moment of glory came through an ICC tournament - the 2004 Champions trophy when Courtney Browne and Ian Bradshaw brought home a match after it was almost lost. But unlike Fleming, Lara has hung up his boots, both as a player and captain, and now talks of dropping his daughter at school and picking her up, while the wise men from the selection committee will be picking and dropping lesser players from a list that has Sarwan pencilled in as captain.

Back home too, a lot has changed - Sachin has been endorsing Sunfeast and not Britannia, Dravid promotes Sansui and not Samsung and Sehwag has begun drinking Pepsi and not Coke. And yes, a stern wag of the index finger by the BCCI has set right most of the issues that plague the Indian cricket team. Senior players have been asked to sit out for an all-important series against Bangladesh. All those who spoke to the press have been asked for an explanation. The non-performers have been instructed not to take up too many endorsements. Most importantly, the man responsible for India's debacle, Greg Chappell, has been shown the door. One hears of an impending tour of England in July, when the Harmison and Simon Jones show is likely to be back on the road. If that happens, one can only commiserate with the team management - should we lose, they have one person less to blame it all on.

Chappell is not the only coach to have such a forgettable tenure in a foreign land. His counterpart across the border had to pay for his team's losses with his life. If this is the outcome of failure in this game, a lot has changed since the time we began following it. The numbers carelessly flung about are what make the game so scary. Telecast rights for a series - 800 crores. Losses because of India's exit - 2000 crores. Betting in an India-Pakistan match - well over a 1000 crores. How many organizations work round-the-clock, through the year to notch up a turnover that's half this amount? At this rate, World Cup 2011 could well cost twice as much as the recent edition. If so, what would be the price of failure?

In less volatile and less business-like conditions, other coaches are making silent exits, seeking fresh pastures. Dave Whatmore has called it quits with Bangladesh, Bennett King has resigned after the dismal performance of the West Indian team in the World Cup, Duncan Fletcher quit for the same reasons and was replaced in hours. Of course, the management guru amongst them, John Buchanan has planned his exit in much the same way as most Australian cricketers have done in recent times.

But the glorious exit of the century award goes to Glenn McGrath - can there ever be a better way to retire from the game? A 5-0 Ashes drubbing of England after a year away from the game. A World Cup win without a single hiccup along the way. The tournament's highest wicket-taker. The Man of the tournament in his last big tour. There are people who walk away into the sunset. And then there are those who stand still and let the sun slink away, blinded by their brilliance.

As players speculated over sunsets and gloom in their careers, one man rose like a phoenix and stood a good half metre outside his crease, waiting to tear apart anyone willing to bowl to him. After a year in the wilderness, Mathew Hayden entered the World Cup arena like a starved beast waiting for the shackled slaves to be thrown into its cage. The crowds were in no mood to relent and the Gods were in no mood to show mercy. Team after team capitulated as he ended his World Cup campaign with 659 runs in 10 innings. So strong was the Australian batting line-up that its bowlers – McGrath, Tait, Bracken and Clark - didn’t have to face a ball right through the world cup.

If World Cup 2011 has to be a well-contested and well-fought event, then the following will have to be done. Include a 17th team into the event, be it UAE or Namibia. Give away the World Cup to Australia during the opening ceremony and send them home. And then begin the matches with the remaining 16 teams. And fast-forwarding further, one hopes that the World Cup in 2015 remains true to the host nation theory which states that no host nation has ever won a World Cup - yet. Or would that be yet another worthless myth that Australia would explode?

Eight coaches, five captains, several senior players, including the world’s best batsman and the world’s best bowler – the World Cup 2007 ended up being the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, leaving behind long shadows and smoky ruins of teams that were once considered prospective winners. If there ever was a good time for cricket fans to look for an alternative game, it is now - unless their chant happens to be “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oy, oy, oy!”
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 06 May, 2007)