(Image courtesy: Corbis)Question time. Will Ravi ever turn over a new leaf? Will Abhi’s husband come back to her? Will Shanthi’s husband pardon her and take her back? Will Maria take revenge on all those who wronged her? And for those who have not been rudely CAS-treated, here are some more from the north of the Vindhyas. Will Tulsi’s son rise like a phoenix and come back from the ashes to push TRPs, just as her husband did? Will Kusum’s lifestory fast-forward by another twenty years? Will Malini Iyer ever start getting serious about being funny? Will Karisma live up to its name and perform the miracle that will change the viewer’s destiny?
What! Don’t know the answers? Clueless? You can’t be serious! Are you really trying to imply that you don’t (fashionably) watch mega serials (pronounced mehaa serials)? And does that mean that you don’t take in the maha gyaan (pronounced magaa gyaan) that they have to offer?
Okay, brace yourself for some bad news. You are missing out on some of management’s most valuable lessons that would otherwise require you slog your backside off for a year, appear for CAT, hope to God that the paper/result/your pen doesn’t leak, get aggro and chew everybody else up in the Group Discussion, fib your way through the personal interview, get your Dad to shell out a few lakhs and finally hear the Prof say the same thing – if you go to class, that is. Why take the stairs when you can take the elevator, as Vinod Kambli would rue on hindsight (said at a different time, place and context).
Every 30 minutes, pearls of management wisdom are being beamed into your living room and if you aren’t savvy enough to take advantage of them, well, even Arindham Choudhary and his ‘Rok Sake To Rok Lo’ (Hindi for ‘Stop your chicken before they hatch’) cannot save you.
So for those of you who are willing to come clean about not watching soap, here’s a refreshing thought. A crash course on all that they don’t teach you at b-school (and never will). Alternately, think of it as ‘everything you are going to learn about management, but didn’t know what-the-heck for.’
To start with, stop referring to mega serials as that ‘dumb soap’. That’s an oxymoron. (which makes it worse). Today, soaps have defined a new standard of time that has gained more prominence than IST (at least they’re taken more seriously). “Ennanga, will you be back before Metti Oli?” “Illa ma, MD is coming tomaarow. But I’ll be back before Annamalai gets over. Anyway, tell me what happens, vokay?”
Secondly, stop referring to the TV as the idiot box. Think of it as a Knowledge Leveraging Programming Device (KLPD). (Usage: “My girlfriend and I decided to watch a Saturday night programme on DD, and machaan, it was complete KLPD.”)
No more will the hapless housewife (Management Terminology: Key Target Audience) be denigrated for watching mindless stuff all day. Saas-bahu scraps will be a vivid demonstration of Conflict Resolution (or the lack of it). Crying into one’s pallu or dupatta when watching an episode will be considered part of Stress Management Sessions (SMS). (Note: Not to be confused with the SMS found in ticker tapes during these soaps that say “What is the name of the character who told her neighbour that her friend’s cousin had eloped with the milkman? SMS your answers to 2737 and win…”)
Right then, let’s start with minding our Ps…
The 4Ps of serials
Pareto Principle
If not for the golden 80:20 rule, there would be no serials. In any serial, 80% of the time is spent in telling 20% of the story. So what happens in the time left? Long shots, music, bus journeys… which takes us to Parkinson’s Law.
Parkinson’s Law
Every storyline, every scene and every shot can expand to fill time. Observe a desperate husband rush his wife to the hospital and this law becomes self-explanatory. Of course, the wife looks like she’s going to deliver the next minute, the hospital is the one farthest from where they live and they r-u-s-h to the other end of the world across three tension-filled episodes.
Peter’s Principle
Every serial rises to its level of incompetency after which the TRP ratings plummet down, a few characters are bumped off and the director brings the curtains down rather hastily, making you wonder what the 789-episode build-up was all about.
Paradigm Shift
If the general perception is that a serial is bad, then make it worse. That way, you are ‘creating a shift in the general accepted opinion’ – otherwise known as the ‘Paradigm Shift’. Bringing back a character who died 50 episodes ago, introducing a new character who is in no way related to the serial and shifting focus to a new family in another part of the world for no reason at all are all tried and tested ways of inducing a Paradigm Shift.
Contingency Theory
After 350 episodes, the chicken-hearted husband suddenly gets into overdrive, decides to cross the road and get aggro with his bossy wife. Suddenly fate provides a twist in the tale as the actor playing the role gets snapped up in some plum ‘character’ roles in feature films. What happens next? Depending on the nature and condition of the situation, he is either made to have a heart-attack, is sent abroad or is replaced with another actor who would play his role. And that, in moments of desperation (for the director), is Contingency Theory.
Critical Path Method (CPM)
If there are only ‘n’ number of ways in which a story can evolve, then the Critical Path that the story can take is the one that is the longest and touches the maximum number of transition points, involving the maximum number of characters that can be incorporated into the storyline on a weekly basis.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
People’s needs generally have a hierachy by which they get satisfied and serials help them achieve it. Examples: Psychological need: When you need a shrink desperately because of watching too many serials. Safety need: When you need to be straitjacketed before every episode. Social need: Love thy neighbours. They could fill you in on all the episodes you miss out.
Aggregate Scheduling
This typically happens when they shoot it faster than we can see it. So there are many episodes left over at the end of each week. So most channels resort to what is popularly known as Aggregate Scheduling – in other words, whopping one-hour telecasts of the aggregate on special occasions - Diwali, New Year, Pongal, your birthday and my anniversary.
Resistance to Change
A converse of the Paradigm Shift theory, this is all about beating the audience down when they show any resistance to change – at least the kind the channel wants. Resistance to change is overcome by the ‘carrot-and-stick’ principle. Carrot – telecast the serial twice a day and numb them into submission. Stick – push the serial well past 11 in the night. “C’mon baby, you ain’t getting it until you’re beggin’ for it.” Alternating between these two normally works. Check your telecast timings for more details.
Forward Integration
The characters have reached a standoff. The serial has hit a plateau (after the second episode). 173 characters have all been juggled, have wreaked havoc in one another’s lives, alternately played the hunter and the hunted, died and come back again. So what next? This is easily solved through forward integration - typically the serial races ahead into the future, to the third generation of grandsons and granddaughters played by the same actors who are playing the current generation. And then just as you are coming to terms with what’s going on, the characters have flashbacks, typically in black and white, as dictated by the grammar of serial-making. And that forms the corollary for a concept that’s equally popular – Backward Integration.
Zone of Indifference
The ultimate zone that the Key Target Audience (housewife) falls into. You could call it nirvana – or the passage of the mind through 38 channels, 159 soaps, 1196 characters - and not a hint of a storyline to go with these. Also commonly observed amongst Senior Citizens who have suffered prolonged exposure to serials. There are various LEVELS within the ‘zone’ and it all depends, predictably, on the amount of TV watched. At 7.30, you could swap one Tamil channel for another and if people at home don’t realize what you have done, that’s Level 1. Level 2 occurs at around 9.30 pm, when you can switch a Tamil channel with BBC and they don’t realize the difference. Level 3 happens at around 11 in the night when you can switch off the TV and they’re still watching it.
Critical Incident Technique
Just as a picture is worth a thousand words, a situation is worth a thousand episodes. This situation generally stems from one incident most critical to the serial – such as the one where the sister-in-law hides the fact that the husband had called a few minutes back to say that he was running away with another woman. The poor wife who had no knowledge of this waits for thirty-five years before she finds out the truth – that he has actually run away with another man. (Note: There are two critical incidents in this storyline – the sister-in-law not passing on a critical message and the final moment of truth.) Once the Critical Incident is worked out, the Technique is all about flogging it to death ever after.
Operations Research
The path to successful serials is paved with numerous heart attacks, kidney failures, cancer, accidents, transplants, implants and an occasional childbirth. With the same actor playing the same role in different serials, directors are trying hard to make a difference. And that’s how Operations Research was born. A lot of work goes into how each medical condition can be made to sound different from others. (Of course, the benchmark will always be lymphocircoma of the intestine.) At the end of all this Research comes an impending, all-important Operation. Will the character survive it? Sorry, you’ve got to wait a while, like 85 episodes, to find out.
One more thing – all those contests that come along with serials? They not only help you win prizes, but also test your understanding of management. Winning 25 of those could put you in line for the Bumper Prize – a convocation where you could be presented with an M.S. (Master of Serials) in Management.
Happy learning!
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement in a shorter version as Serial Strategies on 09 Jan, 2005)
What! Don’t know the answers? Clueless? You can’t be serious! Are you really trying to imply that you don’t (fashionably) watch mega serials (pronounced mehaa serials)? And does that mean that you don’t take in the maha gyaan (pronounced magaa gyaan) that they have to offer?
Okay, brace yourself for some bad news. You are missing out on some of management’s most valuable lessons that would otherwise require you slog your backside off for a year, appear for CAT, hope to God that the paper/result/your pen doesn’t leak, get aggro and chew everybody else up in the Group Discussion, fib your way through the personal interview, get your Dad to shell out a few lakhs and finally hear the Prof say the same thing – if you go to class, that is. Why take the stairs when you can take the elevator, as Vinod Kambli would rue on hindsight (said at a different time, place and context).
Every 30 minutes, pearls of management wisdom are being beamed into your living room and if you aren’t savvy enough to take advantage of them, well, even Arindham Choudhary and his ‘Rok Sake To Rok Lo’ (Hindi for ‘Stop your chicken before they hatch’) cannot save you.
So for those of you who are willing to come clean about not watching soap, here’s a refreshing thought. A crash course on all that they don’t teach you at b-school (and never will). Alternately, think of it as ‘everything you are going to learn about management, but didn’t know what-the-heck for.’
To start with, stop referring to mega serials as that ‘dumb soap’. That’s an oxymoron. (which makes it worse). Today, soaps have defined a new standard of time that has gained more prominence than IST (at least they’re taken more seriously). “Ennanga, will you be back before Metti Oli?” “Illa ma, MD is coming tomaarow. But I’ll be back before Annamalai gets over. Anyway, tell me what happens, vokay?”
Secondly, stop referring to the TV as the idiot box. Think of it as a Knowledge Leveraging Programming Device (KLPD). (Usage: “My girlfriend and I decided to watch a Saturday night programme on DD, and machaan, it was complete KLPD.”)
No more will the hapless housewife (Management Terminology: Key Target Audience) be denigrated for watching mindless stuff all day. Saas-bahu scraps will be a vivid demonstration of Conflict Resolution (or the lack of it). Crying into one’s pallu or dupatta when watching an episode will be considered part of Stress Management Sessions (SMS). (Note: Not to be confused with the SMS found in ticker tapes during these soaps that say “What is the name of the character who told her neighbour that her friend’s cousin had eloped with the milkman? SMS your answers to 2737 and win…”)
Right then, let’s start with minding our Ps…
The 4Ps of serials
Pareto Principle
If not for the golden 80:20 rule, there would be no serials. In any serial, 80% of the time is spent in telling 20% of the story. So what happens in the time left? Long shots, music, bus journeys… which takes us to Parkinson’s Law.
Parkinson’s Law
Every storyline, every scene and every shot can expand to fill time. Observe a desperate husband rush his wife to the hospital and this law becomes self-explanatory. Of course, the wife looks like she’s going to deliver the next minute, the hospital is the one farthest from where they live and they r-u-s-h to the other end of the world across three tension-filled episodes.
Peter’s Principle
Every serial rises to its level of incompetency after which the TRP ratings plummet down, a few characters are bumped off and the director brings the curtains down rather hastily, making you wonder what the 789-episode build-up was all about.
Paradigm Shift
If the general perception is that a serial is bad, then make it worse. That way, you are ‘creating a shift in the general accepted opinion’ – otherwise known as the ‘Paradigm Shift’. Bringing back a character who died 50 episodes ago, introducing a new character who is in no way related to the serial and shifting focus to a new family in another part of the world for no reason at all are all tried and tested ways of inducing a Paradigm Shift.
Contingency Theory
After 350 episodes, the chicken-hearted husband suddenly gets into overdrive, decides to cross the road and get aggro with his bossy wife. Suddenly fate provides a twist in the tale as the actor playing the role gets snapped up in some plum ‘character’ roles in feature films. What happens next? Depending on the nature and condition of the situation, he is either made to have a heart-attack, is sent abroad or is replaced with another actor who would play his role. And that, in moments of desperation (for the director), is Contingency Theory.
Critical Path Method (CPM)
If there are only ‘n’ number of ways in which a story can evolve, then the Critical Path that the story can take is the one that is the longest and touches the maximum number of transition points, involving the maximum number of characters that can be incorporated into the storyline on a weekly basis.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
People’s needs generally have a hierachy by which they get satisfied and serials help them achieve it. Examples: Psychological need: When you need a shrink desperately because of watching too many serials. Safety need: When you need to be straitjacketed before every episode. Social need: Love thy neighbours. They could fill you in on all the episodes you miss out.
Aggregate Scheduling
This typically happens when they shoot it faster than we can see it. So there are many episodes left over at the end of each week. So most channels resort to what is popularly known as Aggregate Scheduling – in other words, whopping one-hour telecasts of the aggregate on special occasions - Diwali, New Year, Pongal, your birthday and my anniversary.
Resistance to Change
A converse of the Paradigm Shift theory, this is all about beating the audience down when they show any resistance to change – at least the kind the channel wants. Resistance to change is overcome by the ‘carrot-and-stick’ principle. Carrot – telecast the serial twice a day and numb them into submission. Stick – push the serial well past 11 in the night. “C’mon baby, you ain’t getting it until you’re beggin’ for it.” Alternating between these two normally works. Check your telecast timings for more details.
Forward Integration
The characters have reached a standoff. The serial has hit a plateau (after the second episode). 173 characters have all been juggled, have wreaked havoc in one another’s lives, alternately played the hunter and the hunted, died and come back again. So what next? This is easily solved through forward integration - typically the serial races ahead into the future, to the third generation of grandsons and granddaughters played by the same actors who are playing the current generation. And then just as you are coming to terms with what’s going on, the characters have flashbacks, typically in black and white, as dictated by the grammar of serial-making. And that forms the corollary for a concept that’s equally popular – Backward Integration.
Zone of Indifference
The ultimate zone that the Key Target Audience (housewife) falls into. You could call it nirvana – or the passage of the mind through 38 channels, 159 soaps, 1196 characters - and not a hint of a storyline to go with these. Also commonly observed amongst Senior Citizens who have suffered prolonged exposure to serials. There are various LEVELS within the ‘zone’ and it all depends, predictably, on the amount of TV watched. At 7.30, you could swap one Tamil channel for another and if people at home don’t realize what you have done, that’s Level 1. Level 2 occurs at around 9.30 pm, when you can switch a Tamil channel with BBC and they don’t realize the difference. Level 3 happens at around 11 in the night when you can switch off the TV and they’re still watching it.
Critical Incident Technique
Just as a picture is worth a thousand words, a situation is worth a thousand episodes. This situation generally stems from one incident most critical to the serial – such as the one where the sister-in-law hides the fact that the husband had called a few minutes back to say that he was running away with another woman. The poor wife who had no knowledge of this waits for thirty-five years before she finds out the truth – that he has actually run away with another man. (Note: There are two critical incidents in this storyline – the sister-in-law not passing on a critical message and the final moment of truth.) Once the Critical Incident is worked out, the Technique is all about flogging it to death ever after.
Operations Research
The path to successful serials is paved with numerous heart attacks, kidney failures, cancer, accidents, transplants, implants and an occasional childbirth. With the same actor playing the same role in different serials, directors are trying hard to make a difference. And that’s how Operations Research was born. A lot of work goes into how each medical condition can be made to sound different from others. (Of course, the benchmark will always be lymphocircoma of the intestine.) At the end of all this Research comes an impending, all-important Operation. Will the character survive it? Sorry, you’ve got to wait a while, like 85 episodes, to find out.
One more thing – all those contests that come along with serials? They not only help you win prizes, but also test your understanding of management. Winning 25 of those could put you in line for the Bumper Prize – a convocation where you could be presented with an M.S. (Master of Serials) in Management.
Happy learning!
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement in a shorter version as Serial Strategies on 09 Jan, 2005)
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