(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)How many doctors does it take to put the Rawalpindi Express back on track? Last heard, L Suresh was still counting…
The man compares himself to a jet aircraft (How can a plane take off without a runway?), the world calls him the Rawalpindi Express and he’s known to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. (Thus resulting in the origin of the famous expression, ‘It’s a plane! It’s a train! No, it’s Superman!’)
Shoaib Akhtar. 144 Test wickets. 186 one-day wickets. 94 scraps with his captain and board. 52 temper tantrums. 79 physical breakdowns. 63 injuries. How can one doctor ever be enough?
The story so far: Life’s all about options. And no one demonstrates this better than the PCB which appoints the three musketeers: (a) Greg Compton (Trainer), (b) Murray Stevenson (Biokineticist) and (c) Darryn Lifsun (Physiotherapist). In comes Shoaib nursing (i) a major hangover, (ii) a minor jet lag and (iii) a suspected injury. The question is – whom does he choose to consult? The answer is (d) Dr Tauseef Razzak, a private trainer. (Shoaib explains – ‘Look, I just called enquiry and asked for Razzaq’s number. It was only on meeting him that I realised that my call was wrongly connected to emergency instead of enquiry and they gave me Dr. Razzak, while I was trying to meet Abdur Razzaq.’) The PCB is miffed and sets up an inquiry committee comprising (yes, you got it right) three members who look into four violations of the contract.
So Shoaib goes back to Compton. But Compton goes back to South Africa. (“I thought they wanted him to heal. But then I figured that they just wanted him to heel. It’s a job for a vet, so that left me high and dry. I told myself that handling Klusener would be easier and packed my bags.”)
Meanwhile, Stevenson and Lifsun hear the announcement of Prince Charles’ marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles on PTV and decide to cheer themselves up with a celebration (imagine being paid to do nothing – how miserable can life be?). So they leave on a holiday to London. And Shoaib is left in the lurch.
The PCB decides that the panacea for the situation has to be – another doctor.
In comes Dr. Meesaq Rizwi, a sports physician. He is given four patients - Mohammed Sami, Shabbir Ahmed, Mohammad Khalil and obviously Shoaib. In keeping with his character, Shoaib doesn’t report for a fitness test. (Shoaib explains – ‘Shucks, I thought that I was the pick of the lot, until it dawned on me that I was being picked at by the whole lot.’). The back up reinforcement for this drama comes in the form of another medico – Dr. Sohail Saleem (Coordinator, Medical Commission).
Since the appointed doctors were all away visiting their homelands, the PCB comes up with a masterplan – to institute a visiting faculty. A few more docs join the party, with Dr. Abdul Wajid, Dr. Waqar Farooqui and Dr. Azhar Turab showing the way.
Does Shoaib prove his fitness? Does he tour India? Do the doctors stop crawling out of the woodwork at the PCB? This forms the rest of the story in this comic caper. So if you’re keen on a flick that has more quacks than a Walt Disney animation film, this one’s for you.
The man compares himself to a jet aircraft (How can a plane take off without a runway?), the world calls him the Rawalpindi Express and he’s known to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. (Thus resulting in the origin of the famous expression, ‘It’s a plane! It’s a train! No, it’s Superman!’)
Shoaib Akhtar. 144 Test wickets. 186 one-day wickets. 94 scraps with his captain and board. 52 temper tantrums. 79 physical breakdowns. 63 injuries. How can one doctor ever be enough?
The story so far: Life’s all about options. And no one demonstrates this better than the PCB which appoints the three musketeers: (a) Greg Compton (Trainer), (b) Murray Stevenson (Biokineticist) and (c) Darryn Lifsun (Physiotherapist). In comes Shoaib nursing (i) a major hangover, (ii) a minor jet lag and (iii) a suspected injury. The question is – whom does he choose to consult? The answer is (d) Dr Tauseef Razzak, a private trainer. (Shoaib explains – ‘Look, I just called enquiry and asked for Razzaq’s number. It was only on meeting him that I realised that my call was wrongly connected to emergency instead of enquiry and they gave me Dr. Razzak, while I was trying to meet Abdur Razzaq.’) The PCB is miffed and sets up an inquiry committee comprising (yes, you got it right) three members who look into four violations of the contract.
So Shoaib goes back to Compton. But Compton goes back to South Africa. (“I thought they wanted him to heal. But then I figured that they just wanted him to heel. It’s a job for a vet, so that left me high and dry. I told myself that handling Klusener would be easier and packed my bags.”)
Meanwhile, Stevenson and Lifsun hear the announcement of Prince Charles’ marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles on PTV and decide to cheer themselves up with a celebration (imagine being paid to do nothing – how miserable can life be?). So they leave on a holiday to London. And Shoaib is left in the lurch.
The PCB decides that the panacea for the situation has to be – another doctor.
In comes Dr. Meesaq Rizwi, a sports physician. He is given four patients - Mohammed Sami, Shabbir Ahmed, Mohammad Khalil and obviously Shoaib. In keeping with his character, Shoaib doesn’t report for a fitness test. (Shoaib explains – ‘Shucks, I thought that I was the pick of the lot, until it dawned on me that I was being picked at by the whole lot.’). The back up reinforcement for this drama comes in the form of another medico – Dr. Sohail Saleem (Coordinator, Medical Commission).
Since the appointed doctors were all away visiting their homelands, the PCB comes up with a masterplan – to institute a visiting faculty. A few more docs join the party, with Dr. Abdul Wajid, Dr. Waqar Farooqui and Dr. Azhar Turab showing the way.
Does Shoaib prove his fitness? Does he tour India? Do the doctors stop crawling out of the woodwork at the PCB? This forms the rest of the story in this comic caper. So if you’re keen on a flick that has more quacks than a Walt Disney animation film, this one’s for you.
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 20 Feb, 2005)
No comments:
Post a Comment