(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)The Indian cricket team has seen it all – from things going right to Wright going. So who’s next? L Suresh reveals the most secretive sting operation ever launched…
No video. No audio tapes. Just the few pages from a diary smuggled out of the BCCI, but enough to launch a Malayalam blockbuster – Oru BCCI Diary Kurippu. Reading the diary threw up damning evidence that made one thing clear. They had used a ghostwriter. Here are a few entries from the diary…
March 28, 2005: Wright has written a ‘Dear John’ to us. (With a cc to the selectors, Patron Saint, captain, vice captain, manager, physio and trainer. Sigh, it’s so difficult to deal with politically correct people!) Like Ganguly’s form, Sehwag’s silence and Pathan’s reverse swing, all good things are coming to an end. And the search begins again.
March 30, 2005: I suddenly remembered having (vaguely) heard of the Wright brothers. John’s here. So where was the other one?
April 1, 2005: I launched Operation ‘Fight for our Wrights’. And allotted an interim ‘Coach ki Khoj’ budget of Rs. 500 crores. (If we need more, we can always arm-twist one of the sponsors.) Will we find the right guy? (P.S: Some idiot spread a rumour that I was baying for Sourav’s blood. Apparently, it was meant to be an ‘April Fool joke’, but how will I face the Patron Saint now?)
April 2, 2005: What a waste of money. (What fun! I’ve never blown up 500 crores in a day ever before!) This John Wright seems to have half a dozen brothers. We found Christopher Wright, but apparently he was caught in some gunpowder conspiracy plot with Guy Fawkes. There was Peter Wright, who became a preacher in Indiana, James Wright, who ended up with the Methodist Church, Robert Wright, who became the Sheriff of Yorkshire, Samuel Wright who went to Cambridge… We knew we had hit rock bottom when the guys came up with Wilbur and Orville Wright. What a pity, none of them were cricketers. (P.S: Since Ganguly is not batting anyways, can he be both captain and coach? But I don’t dare ask the Patron Saint this.)
April 9, 2005: Not a moment to be wasted. We’ve lost today’s match and soon, we’ll have no one to blame it on. Wright or wrong, we’ll need a white skin to control this team. Reason? The Brits did it well for 350 years.
So here’s my shortlist of possible coaches and my assessment of them:
Greg Chappell: Reverse swing and flippers are not enough to win a match. Greg’s the only one who can teach our bowlers underarm bowling. Imagine, had he been our coach in 1986, Miandad wouldn’t have hit that last ball for a six.
Rod Marsh: If Wright’s last name worked for him, it’s the first name for Marsh. With the Indian team teeming with youngsters, it’s going to take Marsh to help them get out of the swampy mess they’re in. As they say, if you spare the Rod, you’ll spoil the child.
Dave Whatmore: Another Australian. And he’s coached two Asian teams. What more do you want?
Tom Moody: I’m not for him. We have enough moody guys in the team already. We won’t get just any Tom, Dick or Harry as coach!
The dark horse: With the Indian team is full of stars, the man of the hour is someone who can handle big egos and get the best out of them. Who better than Subhash Ghai? Okay, he’s not an Australian, but anyone who has handled so many stars as he has will be the ideal choice for the team. India needs a Hero. And who better than Subhash Ghai to deliver?
No video. No audio tapes. Just the few pages from a diary smuggled out of the BCCI, but enough to launch a Malayalam blockbuster – Oru BCCI Diary Kurippu. Reading the diary threw up damning evidence that made one thing clear. They had used a ghostwriter. Here are a few entries from the diary…
March 28, 2005: Wright has written a ‘Dear John’ to us. (With a cc to the selectors, Patron Saint, captain, vice captain, manager, physio and trainer. Sigh, it’s so difficult to deal with politically correct people!) Like Ganguly’s form, Sehwag’s silence and Pathan’s reverse swing, all good things are coming to an end. And the search begins again.
March 30, 2005: I suddenly remembered having (vaguely) heard of the Wright brothers. John’s here. So where was the other one?
April 1, 2005: I launched Operation ‘Fight for our Wrights’. And allotted an interim ‘Coach ki Khoj’ budget of Rs. 500 crores. (If we need more, we can always arm-twist one of the sponsors.) Will we find the right guy? (P.S: Some idiot spread a rumour that I was baying for Sourav’s blood. Apparently, it was meant to be an ‘April Fool joke’, but how will I face the Patron Saint now?)
April 2, 2005: What a waste of money. (What fun! I’ve never blown up 500 crores in a day ever before!) This John Wright seems to have half a dozen brothers. We found Christopher Wright, but apparently he was caught in some gunpowder conspiracy plot with Guy Fawkes. There was Peter Wright, who became a preacher in Indiana, James Wright, who ended up with the Methodist Church, Robert Wright, who became the Sheriff of Yorkshire, Samuel Wright who went to Cambridge… We knew we had hit rock bottom when the guys came up with Wilbur and Orville Wright. What a pity, none of them were cricketers. (P.S: Since Ganguly is not batting anyways, can he be both captain and coach? But I don’t dare ask the Patron Saint this.)
April 9, 2005: Not a moment to be wasted. We’ve lost today’s match and soon, we’ll have no one to blame it on. Wright or wrong, we’ll need a white skin to control this team. Reason? The Brits did it well for 350 years.
So here’s my shortlist of possible coaches and my assessment of them:
Greg Chappell: Reverse swing and flippers are not enough to win a match. Greg’s the only one who can teach our bowlers underarm bowling. Imagine, had he been our coach in 1986, Miandad wouldn’t have hit that last ball for a six.
Rod Marsh: If Wright’s last name worked for him, it’s the first name for Marsh. With the Indian team teeming with youngsters, it’s going to take Marsh to help them get out of the swampy mess they’re in. As they say, if you spare the Rod, you’ll spoil the child.
Dave Whatmore: Another Australian. And he’s coached two Asian teams. What more do you want?
Tom Moody: I’m not for him. We have enough moody guys in the team already. We won’t get just any Tom, Dick or Harry as coach!
The dark horse: With the Indian team is full of stars, the man of the hour is someone who can handle big egos and get the best out of them. Who better than Subhash Ghai? Okay, he’s not an Australian, but anyone who has handled so many stars as he has will be the ideal choice for the team. India needs a Hero. And who better than Subhash Ghai to deliver?
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 17 April, 2005)
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