Testament to a lost cause

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)

The 22^nd James Bond film, the 2011 Cricket World Cup and the 200^th thriller that deals with uncovering an earth-shattering truth from the past that could change the future of Planet Earth, all have something in common – we know what’s going to happen next, where the story is headed and who’s going to win in the end. If there’s one thing we want to find out, it’s the how.

But even that question doesn’t need answering in The Last Testament and what could have been a joyride ends up being a bumpy journey from a coverline that touts the author as the biggest challenger to Dan Brown’s crown, to Page 567, where the acknowledgements end (that make better reading than the rest of the book).

If an obvious reference to Dan Brown and an obvious take on the celebrated fiction hero Jason Bourne (and hence the pseudonym Sam Bourne) were not enough, The Last Testament suffers from an obvious plot that every Dan Brown book has. Unconnected happenings that spark a revelation. Man and woman on the run across time zones as they are closing in on a piece of history and are being hunted down by the evil forces. Suspects turning up innocent, the innocent ending up becoming suspects – and the book zips towards a happy ending. (A quick glance of the synopsis of The Righteous Men, Bourne’s first book, would tell you that it’s no different – thus leading you to the conclusion that in thrillers that deal with the past, history may not repeat itself, but the plot does.)

Much as Dan Brown is criticized for his overdramatization and historical inaccuracies, it can never be disputed that he did a great job in blending fact and fiction to an extend that one lost the ability to distinguish between the real and the make-believe. In an attempt to hitch his wagon to a star, Sam Bourne has flattered Brown by modeling his characters, plot and historical references on the latter’s books. The effort wasn’t just worth it. Nor is the outcome.

With the Holy Grail, the Vatican, King Arthur’s sword, the Ark and the Shroud of Turin all having being taken up by other authors, we head towards Jerusalem as the peace talks are on between Israel and Palestine. With two of the most dynamic sects in the fray and with the US trying to mediate, this could have been one heck of an action story, like an Alistair McLean’s made-for-movies screenplay novel.

But not to be. Nations at war, world peace at stake, dramatic chases across continents – and yet, the responsibility of saving the planet rest on the shoulders of one man (or woman). If you’ve promised yourself that you would scream if you find this construct in yet another book, then close all doors and windows and get ready for the lung exercise as you pick up The Last Testament. After years of Superman comics and Spiderman cartoons, you didn’t mind it if the protagonist happened to be a caped crusader, but pulling a retired pro with a dysfunctional personal life into the thick of action for the world’s most mystifying secret to be unearthed comes like a hiss of stale air that has just escaped from a 5000 year tomb.

Any novel worth its glossy paperback would have two dozen key characters who would be hopping and skipping across four continents and 56 countries till you’re left wondering who’s where and why they got there. The Last Testament tests your patience further by yo-yoing between ‘the previous Monday’ and ‘two weeks earlier’ until you are left scratching your head about the date and time that the current page is located in. And the huge bouquet of Arab and Israeli characters and names don’t make things any easier. That’s when you think that this could make a good e-book, with cross-links and hot words that could open blurbs or take us back to an earlier reference to the person.

As you put down the book, the mind picks up the game of anagrams and riddles that the story dabbles in and suddenly you get a flash – perhaps The Last Testament was meant to tell you that you were ‘At The Mental Tests’.

(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 26 August, 2007)