(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)L Suresh profiles the single-most crucial event in a man’s life.
Becoming a Dad is always a toughie – it’s that genetic download that kick-starts the process of evolution, from an irresponsible husband to an irresponsible father. It’s tough and it will generally take time, but what the heck, you have a lifetime to practice and perfect.
It doesn’t take much time for the euphoria to die down for a just-become-Dad. If hospital bills don’t do the trick, truckloads of free advice will. Minutes after the baby is born, hordes of relatives rush into your life. Years later, they still refuse to go. Besides offering the mother moral support and the baby gifts, they save their best for you – advice. This ranges from lengthy narrations of their experiences of fatherhood (when your aunt has already told you that they were not in town when their kid was born) to ingenious ways of keeping the evil forces away from the little one (when you start having nightmares of an elderly uncle in Darth Vader’s armour and mask, standing guard over your kid and grating, “may the force not be with you”.)
But the unkindest cut of all is having to listen to your classmates, colleagues and friends who are probably as old as you are, but have beaten you to becoming a Dad. So, when you hear the “welcome to the world of sleepless nights” for the 100th time, you’re ready to do whatever it takes to make them rest in peace – forever.
At least the baby in focus will have nothing to say. But here’s the bad news - he/she will make faces that tell a lot. For instance:
Expression #1: A fixed gaze that follows you wherever you go. That’s the “now how do I fit this guy into my life” stare.
Expression #2: A little smile. It’s the “you don’t even know what you’re in for, buster’” look. This one scares the hell out of most dads.
Expression #3: The faraway look with the head turned. (Almost as if he/she were trying to recall something.) That’s the “now what were the choices that I got for Dad? Where did I go wrong?” look.
Expression #4: An inclined head with mouth open. The angle of inclination of the head will indicate the direction in which the baby wants to be fed. So, if you have nervous aunts who scream, “Hold the head, hold the head, it’s slipping”, assure them that it’s not. The kid’s merely gesturing that he/she’ll have the 9 ‘o’ clock feed north by northwest.
Expression #5: The eyebrow raised, bubble-blowing expression. This is reserved for visitors who insist on ‘getting physical’ with the baby and could mean anything from go fly a kite, go climb a tree to go blow a bubble. The expressions differ, but the essence of what is being said generally remains the same.
Expression #6: The poker faced expression. This is reserved for moments when the baby is extremely happy. This is the “never show your Dad how much you like something. He might just use it to get you to do the things he wants you to do” look. Now you know where babies get their survival instincts from.
Expression #7: Da-da do-do. The first words your kid speaks. Honestly, it could mean anything from “Dad, I need to do potty” to “My Dad’s a dodo”. But once your kid gets here, you know that he/she is ready to talk.
Get ready for more advice – from a one-year old.
Happy parenting.
(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 07 October, 2007)
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