Extraaa Reel

(Image courtesy: New Indian Express)

L Suresh fantasizes about the endless possibilities when one juxtaposes cricket’s wonder show to cinema.

It happened one night as Mandira slighted Bangladeshi supporters by announcing a “New Zealand wee Bangladesh” match for the next day. (“Blame it on the teleprompter. Who on earth knew that v stood for versus?”) So wee it was and before the incident turned into an international furore, a new avenue had to be found.

The show had thus far taken cricket to the common man and made the game more entertaining with delightful asides into everything that had nothing to do with cricket. Now it would take movies to the common man using the same format – through extraaa reel, a programme that would play in every theatre before and after the movie and during intermission so that audiences across the country found cinema more entertaining.

And not without reason. Just as the man on the street doesn’t understand the nuances of cricket, there are many who don’t understand the intricacies of movies. Such as why every girl’s father walks around with a blank cheque, why every hero’s mother makes gaajar ka halwa – his ‘favourite dish’, why all dream songs are sung on the Swiss Alps and why every second movie has to have a philosophical ending with a final slide that says ‘Not the end – the beginning’.

So it was decided that Mandira would be the common man’s representative and ask all those questions that he was dying to ask - who would win in the fight between the hero and 20 hoodlums in a crowded market place? Will the hero’s butterfly strokes help him overtake the villain’s speedboat in the choppy waters? Will the heroine fall in love with the hero at the end of the song? The answers are yes, yes and yes, but if such shows can ensure a wider audience, who are we to complain? And spare a thought for the producers who hang in there by a slender thread every Friday - noodle straps do come across as a stronger proposition.

Keeping these sentiments in mind, extraa reel has been packaged with Mandira's meaningful questions – plus awards given to the one in a billion movie buff who has managed to see the movie fully. And for all those who just can't hold their excitement till the end of the movie to find out what happens in the last reel, a tarot card reader's services would be employed to predict if Rahul would finally marry Pooja or if the brothers will finally unite to bash up the villain.

As a pleasant diversion, extraa reel will also feature an exciting chat show titled ‘extraaa dud, bud?’ that will invite cricketers like Sunil Gavaskar, Kirmani, Jadeja and Vinod Kambli who have acted in movies that have been disasters at the box office. Other interesting shows include extraaa ticket where winners of sms contests can get their money back when they find the movie insufferable, extraaa cushion that will showcase nostalgic memories of front benchers from the 70s tearing up the seats when the movie sucked big time and extraaa pressure that will ask people for funny experiences in a theater loo.

And then, it happened one night when Mandira slighted the junior artists association by announcing a new feature called extraa action. ‘How dare she calls us extras?’ they ranted and demanded an apology. Last heard, the team was heading towards newer pastures for a third show that would complete the trilogy and would cover mega serials – rumours are that it will be called extraaa soap.

(Appeared in the New Indian Express Sunday Supplement on 15 Aril, 2007)